she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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