i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
