Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
