I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
