So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
