Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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