I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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