somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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