i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
