if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
