girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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