I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
