It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
