Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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