Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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