Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
please come you make the beer taste better
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
