Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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