dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
