at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
