hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
