weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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