Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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