I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
