OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
