I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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