my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
