afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
True college students do jello shots in the library
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
