No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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