I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
