My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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