Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
