so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
