Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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