How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
