There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
