You made me cry and you don't even care
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
