Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
