Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
