remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
