The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
not ubering you a puppy
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
