Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
