No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
