There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
