By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
