used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She bit a glass in half.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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