he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
