every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
