forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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