Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
