im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
