just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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