He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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