dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
whose parrot is this?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
