neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
