These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
