He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
