i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
