I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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